Stronger.

Stacey&Aunty Suzanne.

I managed to capture the moment the donor and the *donoree (totally just made up a word!) saw each other again post transplant. It was really emotional. There were lots of tears but of happiness this time! I'm so proud of both my Aunty and sister for undergoing something so huge and scary with smiles on their faces.

I managed to stay in Coventry an extra couple of days, my manager is kind of awesome, so I could make sure everything was okay with Stacey. She was still in critical care having to have fluid pumped through her, not to mention blood due to losing so much when she bled. I couldn't face leaving her when anything could happen, especially after the surprise second surgery. I was there til the Tuesday after her operation. She was literally getting better every day, eating a bit more, drinking a bit more. She even got out of bed on the Monday to see Aunty Suzanne who was just down the hallway! It was a huge struggle but she was determined she wasn't staying in bed all day every day.

  Stacey up and wandering around.

By the Tuesday my Aunty Suzanne was ready to come home, she had to stay an extra day due to a high temperature and a slight infection but she was fine! She was desperate to get out at that point after being cooped up since the Thursday before. She's not one to sit around and do nothing, I'm surprised she hasn't gotten back to the gym already!

It was Stacey's birthday on the Wednesday and as I was due to go back to work I had to give her my presents the day before- which she loved! I got her a pineapple pandora charm and some othe r bits. I'm convinced she made herself better for her birthday so she could have cake as by Tuesday evening she had all of her drains out and I even watched her have her line taken out of her neck. I am literally the most squeamish person and the sight of blood gives me the chills (you wouldn't think I'm a massive vampire fan would you?) but I wanted to watch. I totally regret it now! It was so long! I honestly thought I may pass out, I don't know how Stacey survives it. All the poking and prodding, injections and tests, X-rays and scans etc. I'd just want to be left alone.

Stacey enjoying her first meal in 2 days.

It's now been exactly two weeks since Stacey's kidney transplant. I can't really believe how fast this last week has gone! She was released from the hospital and able to go home on Wednesday (exactly two weeks after going into hospital) after having to stay in a few extra days because her creatinine levels were too high. She had a good last weekend so was able to go home for a few hours but with work and travel I couldn't get home. 

That's the worst thing about living in Nottingham, I've always missed my family a ridiculous amount since I moved out 5 years ago but after everything that happened with Stacey it's horrible being so far away. I feel guilty all the time that I'm not there for them, not just Stacey but my family, if they needed me. It's hard not being around the corner if anything happens.

Stacey giving me a back massage! 

So two weeks later Stacey is completely line free and, fingers crossed, back to relatively normal! Mum rang me earlier letting me know that Stacey had just gotten in the shower, not a big deal for a regular person but for Stacey it's her first one in over a year due to her dialysis line. No more line!! It's no longer needed. At this point Stacey still has to visit the hospital quite a few times a week to make sure everything is working okay and she has the most amount of tablets that she has to take every day. But this is the first step to her new life and I honestly couldn't be prouder of her. She has come so far in the last year, none of us in our wildest dreams could have guessed what would happen to Stacey and if I could take it all away from her I would in an instant. However, she has dealt with everything that has been thrown at her with humour and a smile on her face, always staying strong for everyone around her.

Stacey's Facebook post on Wednesday.

Thanks for reading!

Xoxo

Forever A Fighter.

Stacey after her kidney transplant on Friday.

Talk about not doing things the easy way! Throughout this whole year, with everything that's happened Stacey has been constantly unlucky (apart from actually still being alive that is!).

The doctors have always said the fact that her sight went and her kidneys all at the same time was a really unlucky coincidence, the fact that she was a perfectly normal, healthy girl and now she's in and out of hospital 3-4 times a week was really unlucky, that this happened while we were on holiday in Palma was really unlucky, and the fact that she needed not one but two surgeries for her transplant was really unlucky...I could go on.

Waiting for news on the two surgeries was one of the longest, most painful days of my life. We all knew it was a big operation but actually sitting and waiting for news was excruciating. My Aunty Suzanne came out of surgery and was brought back up to the ward after roughly 5 hours, everything had gone really well and she was in and out of consciousness so we were able to talk to her. She started by telling mum off for crying and telling grandma off for fussing whilst complaining that they didn't do her liposuction while she was down there! Haha typical!
We knew the surgery was a lot worse for my Aunty than Stacey as they would have to remove her kidney and then have to get used to living with just the one, but I don't think we were quite prepared for how swollen she would look. It was quite a shock and really hit home how much she had gone through to give Stacey a better life. All without one complaint.

It felt like days before we heard anything about Stacey. We sat with my Aunty while she was in and out of sleep and eventually a student nurse, that had asked to watch the surgery, came in to say that she had watched the kidney travel from one to the other! She said that both surgeries had gone absolutely fine and the doctors said the kidney literally started working as soon as it was 'plugged in' to Stacey and it was one of the healthiest ones they'd ever seen. However, after that we didn't hear anything about Stacey until around 7pm. 

My dad had been trying to contact us for ages to let us know that critical care were trying to get through to us so we could visit. We hadn't heard anything for 9 hours! We were terrified something had gone wrong. Eventually when my dad got through to us, we rushed down to critical care to see her. She was sat up in bed absolutely fine! My Aunty Suzanne was really groggy and in and out of sleep whereas Stacey wouldn't stop talking and wriggling about in bed! It was a shock to say the least! Apparently she had been in critical care, awake, for hours and no one could get through to us.

We left her in critical care that night feeling beyond relieved. It was like a weight was lifted and we could all breathe a little easier. 

Saturday morning was another story. We woke up early to go back to the hospital to see her again but before I'd had breakfast or even put makeup on both my mums mobile and the house phone started ringing. I answered the house phone to Critical Care urgently needing to speak to my mum and she was talking to a nurse. We had to rush to the hospital because Stacey had been bleeding since 4am and needed to be rushed into theatre again. Everytime I think I've been the most scared I could ever be, something else comes along. I felt like I'd stopped breathing, like my stomach had suddenly just dropped out. We grabbed whatever stuff we needed and went straight to the hospital.

When we got there Stacey seemed okay, she was up and talking, telling us she had woken up in a pool of blood that was seeping from her surgery wound. When we saw the wound on Friday night it was so clean and glued together but seeing it on Saturday it was so swollen and sore. The doctors told us that they had to drain the blood as soon as possible otherwise it would put pressure on her new kidney and cause it to fail. 

For the second time in 2 days we were sending Stacey in for surgery. As if once wasn't enough for her. This time though she wasn't scared, still being high on morphine and all, she was demanding that the doctors do everything they can to save her kidney. I'm still adamant she just wanted to scare me out of bed before 10am on a Saturday morning! 

Pre second surgery- Saturday morning.

We were told that if it was a simple procedure it would take roughly 40mins but if there were complications it could take up to 3 hours. There began more waiting only this time felt worse. To be given her kidney only for it to be taken away already seemed so cruel. I can't begin to explain what went through my head at this point. I felt hollow. I don't know if anyone else reading this blog has been through this but it felt like time had stopped. We were like zombies walking between wards and the canteen. Eventually, while mum was in Stacey's empty hospital room on the ward, I wandered into my Aunty Suzanne's room to say hello and instead just burst into tears. I couldn't hold it in any longer and seeing what she had been through to make Stacey better when she was in surgery again was awful.

No matter what happened though my Aunty was so positive. She just kept telling me over and over that Stacey would be okay. Her exact words were 'I didnt give her any old garbage you know!' She was right.

After 2 hours mum rang down to critical care to find out what was going on. Stacey was out of surgery, her and the kidney were fine! Mum burst into tears, (joyful this time!) and we went down to see her. This time she was definitely groggy and out of it. I can't praise the doctors and nurses enough for everything they did for us over the week Stacey has been in. They have all been so lovely and beyond helpful.

We found out that the bleed was just normal after surgery however, the amount of blood was due to the fact they had to start Stacey on the blood thinning drug Heparin straight after surgery to avoid clotting. They hadn't got the balance quite right which led to there being too much blood. The risk was letting it go on for too long and it causing a strain on the kidney. Which by the way is working perfectly! They fitted 3 drains so the build up wouldn't happen again and she was being kept in critical care so she had constant attention in case anything else happened.

Saturday passed in a blur. We didn't end up leaving til half 8 that evening after sitting with Stacey all day. I think we were too scared to leave her just in case. But just like everything else this year she's fought through it. Always with a brave smile on her face, determined to live a full, happy life.

Saturday morning, post second surgery.

Sorry I've rambled on in this post! I've had no signal being in the hospital every day so I'm having to fit everything in! 

Kerry xoxo

Inthewaitingline.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

My Aunty Suzanne went into surgery at 7.30am and Stacey went in at 9.15am and we've been sat around ever since just waiting for news.

I can't even believe how calm and collected my Aunty Suzanne has been! Nothing fazes her at all! She's been making sure everyone else is okay. She's crazy brave and I can't find the words to express how much it means to me that she's doing this for Stacey. We've always been an incredibly close family but having major surgery and giving her kidney is so selfless.

Everyone keeps telling us that it is a routine surgery, kidney surgeries are done every week, they'll be fine! However Stacey's is a little more complicated than that. She has been on Walfarin for the last year as she has antiphosphilipids syndrome or 'sticky blood'. This is what caused blood clots in her brain and her loss of sight. The doctors have had to take her off the medication to do the kidney surgery so the surgery is a lot more complicated.

Is it okay to admit I'm terrified out of my mind?

I've been trying to stay strong and hold the tears back for the sake of my family. My mum has reverted back to crying everytime anyone talks to her, my dad broke down at the hospital yesterday and Stacey didn't stop crying all morning. Everyone is on edge.

I keep telling myself that she has the best team of surgeons and experts in all areas are surrounding her in case anything goes wrong. Not to mention the fact that last time she had surgery she was dying and they didn't even know about the sticky blood at that point. So she'll be fine right? They have done more complicated surgeries than this right?

People keep telling me Stacey is strong, she's a fighter, she's been through worse than this. It's all true and I feel guilty doubting her but she's been so unlucky so far I feel like I can't get my hopes up. Like if I let myself believe that everything will be fine and easy I'll break apart if it's not.

I just feel so useless. I wish it was me. I wish this hadn't taken away her dream job and I was the one taken down the hallway to be operated on. That I was the one who's sight had been taken and life turned upside down. Anything for Stacey to be healthy and happy again, living the life she wanted for herself.

In the end I have to believe that she will be okay. It's unacceptable to think of anything else. 

Kerry xoxo